Kids - To Disclose or Not To Disclose, That is The Question!

Should I disclose that I am a mom in an interview, or short of disclosing, should I purposefully conceal that I am a mom? Surely, you’ve heard of the many anecdotes of young women removing their wedding rings for interviews, or making sure there are no photos of their kids in their Zoom backgrounds. Sadly, this is a question many women, especially young women, still ask themselves when they prepare for interviews. I don’t blame them, since the “motherhood penalty” is a very real thing. Societal perceptions of motherhood often place women at a disadvantage when it comes to career progression and financial security. Women’s wages and employment opportunities are negatively affected by motherhood –

this is true for all women, independent of their educational background. The answer is a frustrating “it depends.”

Fatherhood Premium You Say?

Are you curious to know how many men have engaged in this internal debate? Have you heard of the paternity penalty? Likely not, that’s because it’s not a thing men have to contend with. In fact, men tend to benefit from having children – just google the term “fatherhood premium” to access the considerable amount of literature on the topic. Here, we will focus on women, as studies have consistently shown that women are more likely than men to face setbacks and obstacles in their professional lives after having children.

Whether employers care to admit this, there is still much to be said about unconscious (and sometimes very conscious!) gender bias in choosing to employ women. Much of this is rooted in cultural and societal norms and stereotypes against women. Women with children tend to be viewed as less committed to their employment, which couldn’t be further from the truth. Interviewers, women and men alike, are not immune to such biases, and because they are unconscious by nature, they are more difficult to overcome. These gender biases impact the callback rate in which women with children obtain versus childless women when interviewing for potential jobs.

Unfortunately, this will not change anytime soon unless society as a whole shifts its view of child-rearing responsibilities. This ongoing struggle highlights the persistent challenges women face in the workplace, where societal norms and expectations often clash with their desire for career advancement. It’s disheartening to think that despite the progress made in gender equality, women are still burdened with the fear of being stigmatized or overlooked due to their parental status. Even when women manage to conceal their parental status, interviewers may still assume a woman has children or will want children – depending on their age group. This assumption not only perpetuates negative stereotypes but also signifies a lack of awareness and understanding of individual aspirations and choices. It is unfair for women to be subjected to such biases and assumptions.

Employers have a role to play here. They must recognize and value the diverse experiences and identities of their employees, acknowledging that being a mother does not detract from one’s professional capabilities or commitment. Additionally, providing training to hiring managers and Human Resources teams on the intricacies of the biases and stereotypes at play can have a direct impact on hiring and retaining women employees. Ultimately, the burden should not fall solely on women to adapt and shield their parental status. It is the responsibility of society as a whole to challenge and dismantle the deep-rooted assumptions and biases that hinder women’s progress in the workplace.

It’s not all bad news though, things are slowly changing to combat unconscious gender bias. The mere fact that these topics are now becoming front and center of corporate initiatives is a significant step forward. Every little change and nudge in the right direction is a win for women as a whole in tilting the needle to the center.

The growing number of men taking paternity leave and sharing more of the household chores and mental load is a positive step in the right direction. This shift is especially promising because it reflects a new generation of men who are wholeheartedly immersed in the rearing of their children. These fathers’ active participation not only offloads women but also helps reframe the stereotypes that have historically held women back in the workforce.

All in all, the answer to whether you should disclose or conceal whether you’re a mom will depend on your industry. Are you in a male-dominated industry and you know for a fact that disclosing this off the bat will negatively impact your chances? Or, are you far enough in your career that you just don’t care because you don’t want to work for an employer that does not actively promote and include women in the higher echelons of the corporate structure?

For this one, there’s no clear answer, but there rarely are. That said, the small yet meaningful changes we are starting to see are paving the way for a more equitable future where women are equally empowered to pursue their careers and parenting without compromise, fostering a more inclusive and egalitarian future for all. Hopefully, this is a question fewer and fewer women will ask themselves as time evolves. Feel free to drop us a line on the topic if you want to share your own experiences or have tips and tricks you would like to see widely shared.